Sometimes Cheaters Do Win

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“It’s just so frustrating to see people CHEAT and win. It’s like NOBODY CARES that they are cheating!!” This is the way the conversation with my son began this afternoon after his flag football game.

How do you tell a child he cannot cheat and harm others when he consistently watches other kids (and, sadly, parents) do just that and get away with it…even profit from it? There is no easy answer but I turned the discussion with this statement. “Yes, they cheated and won. They will cheat and win again and again. What exactly does that take from you?”

The answer is “nothing,” they took nothing. They won a flag football game. That’s life. Some people truly believe that the way to the top is stepping on others. Often it works – but at what cost. If we don’t teach our children to respect rules in a flag football game, how do we reprimand them for being disrespectful elsewhere? If we don’t help our young men and women learn about boundaries, limits and (again) respect, how will they act when it really matters?

My parents taught me boundaries and limits. I could toe the line just so far with my attitude and then there were consequences. Trouble at school meant trouble at home as well. I was expected to get good grades because I could, my parents didn’t pay me. I was expected to respect myself and the law and when I didn’t, there were consequences. I teach my children the same boundaries and because the times are so different now – many more.

I have very easy rules for my kids:

1. Dont hurt others with your words or “hands”

2. Don’t cheat – it takes the value out of winning

3. Don’t take things from others without asking – respect property

4. Be respectful to others – Adults, children…everyone.

5. Be happy with what you have, how you are right now, today.

6. Have faith. You are not the master of the world and neither am I. God is great, get to know him.

7. Do your best.

I’m sure I am leaving out one or two important items but, you get the point. Before you get offended or offer up examples of how my kids have broken these rules, take a breath. I know they have – EVERY SINGLE ONE and they aren’t even in their teens yet (13 doesn’t count). The point here is that they know there are consequences and I enforce these rules.

Going back to this morning’s conversation with my son, we talked about expectations, disrespect, fairness, and God. In the end I told my son “I know it stinks that they won. It makes my gut turn and my blood boil but at the same time I’m proud of you and your team. Your team didn’t cheat and your coaches didn’t cheat. You are good boys and you can hold your head high knowing you did the right thing. I am proud of you and God is proud of you.”

On a side note my prayer this evening will include the following: “Thank you, Dear Lord, for the lesson we have learned today. I ask your forgiveness for the thoughts of revenge and anger I had toward others today. I also ask that you please bless the other team, Dear Lord, bless them good and hard. Amen”

I Called 911 on Tuesday, What Did You Do?

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Tuesday morning, my son woke up with an upset stomach. No fever, no vomiting, just a couple of bouts of diarrhea. At 7:20, I dropped his sisters at school and came back to take him to middle school.When I came in he said he REALLY didn’t feel well. The mommy bells in my head were going off so I told him to lay down on the couch and rest with me. I set my alarm and decided we would see how he felt at 8. At 7:53 he started kicking me and I thought he was having a bad dream so I touched his leg lightly and said his name…he didn’t respond. I stood up and saw my son on his back seizing; arms and legs pulled into his body, eyes rolled back in his head and what sounded like gasping. I rolled him on his side and got my phone to call 911. All I could think was “Dear Lord, Please DO NOT take my baby today.”

It is by the grace of God that I was able to recite my name, address and phone number to the 911 operator. I was shaking uncontrollably. It was about that time when he stopped seizing and lay there completely unresponsive – with his eyes open. “OH GOD HE’S NOT RESPONDING!!” I shrieked. The operator calmly asked, “Amy, is he breathing? Is his chest moving?” Yes, he was breathing. She talked me through the worst of it; reassuring me as I locked up the dogs and cleared the way for a stretcher to get through the house to him. he was motionless for about 5-6 minutes when the firefighters arrived.

He wasn’t lucid until they had him loaded on the stretcher. He saw my face and looked very worried. The face quickly changed when they asked him where he was – he looked like he thought they were crazy for asking him if he knew his own living room.

In the ER, all his tests (CAT scan, blood work, etc…) looked good. Wednesday he went to see his pediatrician who referred us to a neurologist for an EEG and ruined his life by telling him he was not allowed to play in his first baseball game of the season that night. She cleared him for all activities by this weekend except television, video games, swimming and baths.

Apparently, it is not unusual for adolescents and children to suffer a first time seizure. “Each year, 120,000 children seek medical attention because of a first or newly diagnosed seizure. Of such children, approximately 37,000 develop recurring seizures or epilepsy. Many first seizures result from an event such as trauma, hypoglycemia, or a high fever. Such provoked seizures might recur whenever the precipitating situation is present, but they generally do not require long-term treatment.” (http://www.gillettechildrens.org/fileUpload/Vol15No2.pdf)

I would have liked to know this, so I am sharing my horrifying experience with you. File this away in the back of your mind, parents: If your child has a seizure, clear the area, turn them on their side, time the seizure, and do not put anything in their mouth (My son bit his tongue). You will FREAK OUT and that is okay.

I will be praying for my babies, your babies and all of you tonight.

Are You a Teachers Pet or a Class Clown?

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Being a good student can make life easier even if you’re not in school. many of the techniques good students use can be adopted to business, parenting and relationships.

Are you a good student? Here’s a little ‘yes or no’ quiz to gauge your “teach-ability.”

1. When enrolled in a course do you pick and choose the classes you will attend?
2. When given homework do you write down the assignments?
3. During class do you ask questions and listen to the answers fully?
4. If given the opportunity, do you work extra credit assignments?
5. Do you find yourself looking for additional information on class topics outside of class?
6. Do you talk to friends and loved ones about class topics?
7. If you do not understand class topics, do you contact the teacher during office hours to get additional help?

If you answered “yes” to at least 2 questions consider yourself a good student. If you answered “yes” to 4 or more questions you are an excellent student.

If you did not score many “yes” answers, here is your opportunity! Practice the techniques listed above (modify if necessary – you don’t want to call your kids during school hours) and see what a difference it makes.

Quit Your Whining and Mom Up!

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During my first pregnancy I was not one of those glowing happy pain-free ladies who look like supermodels with a basketball under their shirt. (It wasn’t that way with the twins either – go figure)

I was shocked every time I experienced a new symptom and each month I would go in to my doctor and ask what was wrong with me and how I can treat the symptoms. Finally, my doctor said “here’s what’s going on: YOU’RE PREGNANT! Just be happy for every symptom because it means you’re still pregnant and that the baby is healthy.”

Good point but isn’t this all about me? The mom!! The star of the show!??? …and then I delivered my 9lb 2oz of joy.

Being a mom is not a traditional “performance for praise or payment” job. A mom’s performance is evaluated by everyone from school teachers to other parents and eventually by even their own child (millions of therapists can attest to this). The goals (doctor, lawyer, president, professional athlete or movie star) are unrealistic the hours are undefined and there is no “policies and procedures” manual.

Let’s agree that no one in our homes does more related to the care and comfort of the kid(s). Lets agree that no one gets less sick days or personal time. Lets even agree that even though moms are the ones cheering everyone else on, no one really cheers for the moms.

SO WHAT?!? I say it to my kids and I’ll say it to all you mommies “less whining and more winning.”

We are superheroes. We are powerful. We, as mommies, have bragging rights to every single one of our kids’ successes. We are the ones who get the shoutouts. We get a real holiday that is marketed in a big way (sorry, Father’s Day pales in comparison to Mother’s Day).

Mom is a title that many women have to fight to get. Let’s wear it with pride. We don’t need to “man-up” when we can “mom-up.”

Local Event: Psychic Night at Churchil’s

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If you have ever seen a psychic, had your cards read, or consulted an intuitive of any kind you know that it’s a very personal experience. You sit down and open yourself up for someone you hardly know to read the details of your life (or past life).

Psychic fairs are a great opportunity to “sample” or get to know area intuitives. Psychic Night at Churchill’s on the square in McKinney is like a more intimate psychic fair. As you walk in you can feel the positive energy and see all the psychics with their own “space” at separate tables. The 20-minute session is just long enough to get a good reading and decide if you like the energy and method of each of the psychics.

The organizer, Kim St. Andre (www.kimstandre.com) has hand selected the psychics and has personal experience coaching, mentoring or working side by side with each of them. You can pick who you will see or Kim and her staff will match you with the psychic they feel you will pair well with.

If you have never seen a psychic before this is the perfect opportunity to check it out. The environment is casual, the food is wonderful and the energy is electric! Each reading is $20 for a 20 minute session (A steal for the psychics with this level of experience) and you can sign up for as many sessions as you like.

Psychic Night for January is tomorrow night – Thursday, January 10. Sessions are available from 5-9:40pm. If you have questions or want to reserve a spot, contact Kim on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/KimSt.AndreStayTrueToYou.

Color Me Happy

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Can colors really make a difference in our mood? Think about when you wear a sleek red dress, a soft white sweater or those tall black boots. Color can dictate the way we act and react. I truly believe that color has an effect on the mood of a room. I have butter yellow walls in my dining room, bright and light blues and greens in the bedroom and soft neutrals everywhere else. Don’t get me wrong, I love a red dining room as much as the next gal (mine was red before yellow) but I have become hyper-sensitive to anything that can add to the already ever-present kid-on-kid smackdown bouts in our house. I am constantly looking for a way to reduce the stress on my over-scheduled, overachieving children.

For example: My son has had a hard time going to sleep at night. He seems very stressed. I thought it was middle school stress and helped him manage it using essential oils and a soothing routine. Last summer he got a quilt from my mother. This amazing quilt has flaming basketballs stitched on a black background. This weekend when we washed the quilt, I didn’t get it dried in time so he had to use another quilt with soft neutral colors. When I came up stairs to start our calming routine he looked calm and fresh. He said “I really like my room like this. Its just so bright and happy!” He was asleep within minutes.

The color chart above seems to work and I have found that these ring true in most cases. Some say its the intensity of the color, some the vibration. I dont really know what it is for certain but I know that colors really have an effect on our mood and emotions.

 

 

Temper Temper

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There is a lot to be said for temperance. It’s key in obtaining life balance. Self control is a virtue. A virtue that for me is taking A LOT longer to master than others. I believed that if a little is a good thing then even more would be even better…right?!? Overindulgence would throw me out of balance. My reaction often swings the pendulum in the other direction only touching on balance before I plunged into an over correction.

If I ate too much and felt bloated, I would drastically reduce intake until I became lightheaded. If I drank too much, I would not drink again for months. I would meditate all my time away until my real world duties were neglected then not meditate for weeks. It was always that pendulum; back and forth. Until I stopped overindulging and started tempering my actions.

So, what’s the solution? How do you learn temperance? Enjoying the “now” and understanding abundance is part of it. I don’t need “bigger, better, more” when I can be happy with what I have. Mostly for me it’s like anything else – practicing.

Balance is an effort – a regular day job. I have to work at it, then I get out of whack and I have to work at it some more.

I’d love your comments on temperance – Any tips or tricks (magic buttons would be appreciated).

Abundance – Friend or Foe?

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“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.” – Buddha

Everywhere I go these days I notice abundance of noisy chatter. On television, in the workplace, at home and definitely online. It seems like millions of sources of information vying for attention all the time. Almost every day though, One (or more if I am fortunate) message gets through that seems genuine. Im not talking about the regular interaction with people you know and love – my friends and family are amazing at “filling my cup” and I hope I am the same for them. I’m talking about the vast amount of messages on social media, television, direct mail and the like.

The quote above has great meaning for me. My daughter says that smiley faces are “kind of like her signature because she really connects with them.” I feel that way about that sigh of relief or unclenching of the teeth I hear when I have helped someone find peace – even if its only briefly.

I know many people see the quotes I post and think “Cheesy McCheeseball is at it again” or “I have heard that a thousand times” but I know that for some it makes the difference between a long hopeless day and an added skip in their step. It could be exactly what they need to post to their own page or blog or the words they needed to share with a friend or loved one.

There is an abundance of sour people who care little for others and just want to shout above the crowd to get noticed. My challenge for myself and for you is to add worth to your interactions on social media, add value to your blog in the form of helping others.

Abundance can be a very, very good thing (please be listening lottery elfs) or a challenge (the abundance of dirty laundry in this house comes to mind here) either way – cutting through the excess blather can be the best thing we do as entrepreneurs, small business owners, bloggers or copy writers. Connecting genuinely taps into another abundant commodity – love. (not the kissy kissy stuff – ewe)

Can You Hear My Heart Beat?

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Twinlog – Post 1

“Listen, Amy, I’m not getting a heartbeat. We need to go to the sonogram room and check things a little more closely. No need to panic”

Not the words I was hoping to hear at my nine-week visit to the obstetrician. I’m having a baby and this is happy stuff. No heartbeat but don’t panic!? REALLY?!?

The longest 10 minutes of my life (to that point) was the time it took to get me to the sonogram room and on the table. I was at this visit alone, my husband was traveling. I came on my lunch hour for a quick heartbeat check. This was not my first rodeo. I had a healthy 2 year old at home.

The doctor began pressing the sonogram scanner (or whatever it’s called) uncomfortably against my already bulging belly and there it was on the screen. Two little bubbles with two little heartbeats. “Well, it looks like we found the heartbeat or should I say heartbeats. You are having twins!”

I burst into tears!

It Could Happen To You – Or Already Has!!

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Compassion
- noun – a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

So, I have this thing I do when someone tells me about some horrible event in their life. I tear up. At first I thought it was middle age but realize I’ve had this problem since I had my first kid. Then obviously, it must be hormones, right?? Nope, I had them checked and all levels are normal. I talked to a psychologist friend and her unofficial diagnosis – compassion.

I must have hit a point in life where I felt for others as much as I do myself. Crazy as it sounds this phenomena can happen after a “phase of growth” or life-altering experience. Some people are ever stricken with it FROM BIRTH! (I picture Jesus, Mother Theresa, Quan Yin and the Dalai Llama here – is that right?? Llama like the cattle??)

Whatever the cause, I’m stuck with it and now every sad movie, sob story and lost kitten can be the impetus for sobs or a call to action. Sometimes I like to help people without being asked (gasp).

I shudder to think what might happen if we all become stricken – like a plague of do-gooders!!! If you have been infected with this plague, please post a comment and let me know the effects on you. It would be great (I mean horrible) to have a nice list of good deeds:)